Saturday, June 15, 2013

FIRST THREE PAGES OF "THE WIFE MASTER" SCREENPLAY





Written by Norith Soth and Mich Medvedoff


INT. BORA’S CAR – DAY

Bora drives a heap of junk.   His destination is clear only to him, but it’s certain he is on a mission. Right now, he is trying to find a parking space.

BORA: I can't believe this shit.  Parking is so unavailable.

He drives around and curses a little more... and finally he sees a spot, though a jaywalker has to go past him before he can claim it.

BORA: Get the fuck out of way.

He is about to take the spot when he is distracted by

A GUY ON A BIKE

Bora tries to take out his camera and get a picture but doesn't do it on time.  He seems to ponder whether he should take the spot or follow the guy... and decides on following the guy.

BORA:  Should I pursue him?

Peeling down the block.  Bora tries to drive and take a picture at the same time.

But the biker is too fast.  Bora isn't sure if he got his picture.

BORA: That biker is so brusque.  How can I ever capture him.

EXT. PARKING SPOT - DAY

Bora returns to the available spot, but it is taken.  

BORA:  Fuck.  People are so opportunistic.

EXT. VENICE BOARDWALK - DAY

Bora walks determinedly.  His eyes dart, clearly focused on something or someone.

A GUY EATING LIKE A SLOB

Bora clicks pictures with his CAMERA.  Click... Click... Click...  The slob never knows.

EXT. VENICE BOARDWALK - DAY

A GUY IS FLIRTING WITH A WITH GIRL

Bora takes pictures.  The guy is never aware.

BORA:  I can't believe he's flirting with her.  She's so mediocre.

EXT. VENICE BOARDWALK - DAY

A GROUP OF GUYS TOSS A FOOTBALL AROUND

Bora takes their pictures.  One of the guys leers at him.  Under his breath, Bora mutters...

BORA: Fuck are you looking at?  Beer gut.

The guy looks frightened and resumes tossing the football.  Even though he's much bigger than Bora.

EXT. VENICE BOARDWALK - DAY

A GUY AND HIS GIRLFRIEND BROWSE FOR POSTCARDS

Bora snaps some shots.  The girlfriend seems to be leering at him with evil eyes.   There is a back and forth exchange before she finally addresses him.

GIRLFRIEND: Excuse me, are you taking our picture.

Bora ignores her.

GIRLFRIEND: Hey, are you taking our picture.

BORA: I'm taking a picture of the beach.  God.

Bora walks away.

The girlfriend is puzzled.  

EXT. STREETS - DAY

A GUY CARRIES HIS SURFBOARD TO HIS CAR

Bora is right behind, getting shots.  

EXT. BEACH - DAY

A DOZEN SURFERS RISE OUT OF THE OCEAN  

And Bora is there snapping shots, but there are too many of them.  They walk past him like a herd of rare buffalos.

One surfer tries to get the other surfers to go have a beer with him but they all express various excuses and go their separate ways - literally separate directions.

Bora desperately takes pictures but can't seem to make up his mind which direction to go.  

EXT. PARKED CAR - END OF DAY

Bora has a ticket on his windshield.  

BORA: God, this is so foreboding.

Tears the ticket, looks at it.

BORA: Sixty bucks.  These meter maids are so insatiable.

INT. BORA'S CAR - DAY

Bora drives like a madman.  We see numerous instant cameras in the backseat.  As well as plastic bags and other items.  

EXT. SIDE OF FREEWAY - DAY

Bora's car is up in smoke.  He has to pull over to pour water into his engine.

BORA: This fucking sucks.

Bora calls someone for help.

BORA (to cell): Hello, hey, my car is overheating, fuck, I don't know what to do... should I open the radiator... I should wait a half hour... here?... fuck... I'm right in the middle of... can I wait less than a half hour... twenty minutes... okay, I'll wait twenty minutes... what about 10 minutes, can I wait 10 minutes?

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

COFFEE WITH SATAN: WHY SATAN INVENTED THE OSCARS AND SUNDANCE





I've spoken to Satan before about this topic, but never in this depth.  We met at a new Starbucks on Lincoln and Colorado in Santa Monica.  The devil was very excited about the Oscar Nominations, a pageantry Satan claims to have invented.

N: You invented the Oscars?

S: Like most things, I did not invent it.  I invented what it has become.

N: What has it become.

S: The defense of the status quo.

N: Which is.



S: That white people are the smartest people on Earth and destined to rule the world.

N: What about "Beasts of the Southern Wild"?

S: I'm sure you've noticed that even movies that star non-white people always have race as an issue.  "The Help" for example.  "Django Unchained."   That classifies these films as films about white people.  You have to explain to the audience why a white man or woman is not the lead.  That makes it a white movie by default.

N: But "Beasts of the Southern Wild" is not about that.

S: It's a white man's wet dream, dude.

N: Explain.

S: You have a girl who tries to act like a boy, always an awesome message of misogyny.  You have a drunk black father.  You have a Hurricane Katrina-eske situation where people don't want help.  The visual style is borrowed from Levi's commercials.  That was my idea.  It's a white  man's fantasy about poor black people.  The message is: Black people are happy being poor and dirty.  I love this movie.  Don't cheapen my accomplishments.

N: Of course.

S: When was the last time you saw a movie like "Back to the Future" about non-white people?





N: You mean, a movie that had nothing to do with race?

S: You might have to go back to the original "Night of the Living Dead."  You don't have to take my word for it.  Look at the people at the Oscars or Sundance, the luncheons, the what have you's.  It's all white.  You need sunglasses to be anywhere near them.

N: And why is this necessary?

S: White people in cinema is a real estate.  It's a terrain.  White people own it and will defend it until you pry their dead fingers from it.



N: But why?

S: If you control what people see, you control everything.  Why do you think in a dictatorship, Hitler, Kim-Jon ill, they always control the media first?  In China, the government controls Google.  They control what people see.  Cinema has become global and white people control what people see all over the world.  The message is: white people rule the world.  Every poster says that.

N: Sundance too?

S: Look at Sundance's staff, for God's sake.  Look at their movies.  Go look at their schedule and come back and talk to me.  Just do me a favor and do a search on Sundance pics and tell what you see.  White people partying.  Looking good.  And so forth.  You have to hand it to me, bro.

N: Okay, but why must white people rule the world?

S: We've talked about this already.  But I love answering it.  In 50 years, when the Earth reaches baked potato weather, no one will want to be white.  But we have to make them think otherwise.  That being white is the greatest accomplishment on this planet.  And movies control that message.

N: Okay, let's talk about the Oscar noms.

S: Fire away, money.

N: I'll name the movie and you tell me the message.

S: Totally.

N: "Django Unchained."

S: Black people are the most submissive people on Earth.

N: Really.

S: That's what the DiCaprio's character said.  The three things on the skull monologue.  Trust me, that's all people remember when they leave the theatre.  Next.

N:"Zero Dark Thirty."

S: White people have the right to kill anyone.

N: But it's Osama.

S: You never see him.

N: "Lincoln."

S: White people control your freedom.

N: "Silver Lining's Playbook."

S: White people deserve seconds chances.  You notice there was a black guy in there right?  He didn't deserve a second chance.  He was a criminal.  Bradley Cooper is a hero.  I insisted on that.

N: "Amour"?

S: White people are wealthy.  Did you see the apartment they lived in?  They did pretty well.

N: "Argo."

S: White people must be protected.  Did you see how those people lived?  Even in hiding, they worse turtle necks and drank Pinot.

N: "Les Miserables."

S: White people are like everyone else.  Poor, that is.  Struggling.  And so on.  It's necessary to remake this thing every few years to remind people white people are only human.

N: "Life of Pi"?

S: White people understand you.  You can't tell me you didn't notice the white boy listening to the story?  He's the one who asked all the questions and... you know... wrote the book.  It's all through the white guy's prism.

N: Okay, so what about Sundance?

S:"The Sundance Film Festival" could be a greater guardian to the white status quo than the Oscars, because people who don't know better still believe that Robert Redford's venue supports independent voices.




N: But it's doesn't.

S: Not if I have anything to say about it.

N: I heard a lot of good things about "Fruitvale."  The film that won best picture.

[Satan laughs hysterically... for a while... people gaze at us... then the devil calms down...]

S:  I love "Fruitvale."  Have you seen it?

N:  No.

S:  Spoiler alert.  It's about a black guy who goes to prison, straightens his life out and gets shot and killed.  The message is: Black people don't deserve second chances - or any chances.  Take him out.

N: Great.  Well, thanks for clarifying that.

S: Okay, see you at the movies.











Sunday, February 3, 2013

POLICE MAN: EPISODE "TRASH TALK"

"Police Man" is a collection of events about a cop who's been a cop for a long time...







“1 Charlie 37, CP called from 937 Gaviota #4, regarding a dispute with her neighbor.”

Chuck had been to this complex before.  Wouldn’t be the last either.  He was working alone that night.

“CP stated that the neighbor put the trash can in front of her window, and it smelled bad.”

Every call matters.  Every citizen matters.  The Miranda Act matters.  That’s what he kept telling himself.

The apartment complex at 937 Gaviota was like recreational center.  In a prison.  Chuck pulled black and white askew.  Stepped out.

Kids in the streets leered at him.  Even though it was dark, they were still playing.  He smiled back.  Even if the kids looked scared.  Kids were always scared of him.  Except, there was usually one smart ass kid that wasn’t scared.  He was usually fat.  And asked stupid questions.  Like:

“Hey, Mr.Cop, how many bullets does your gun hold?”

Chuck stopped answering these irrelevant questions 17 years ago… when he was rookie.

“Get back.  Police business,” he commanded the child, shutting him up.  Being a cop meant knowing how to shut people up.  Children were people too.

The courtyard was a shithole.  Black single women who had babies at 17.  Can’t even afford to eat McDonald’s 99 cents menu.  What were they thinking when they got knocked up?  A great wall of baby strollers and mothers playing “Angry Birds” on the iPhone they bought with food stamps.

“Bang! Bang! Bang!”

Chuck hammered Door #4.  Took a couple minutes before it opened. Chuck heard the voice before the saw the person. 

“Finally!”

The “F” bomb was about the last word a cop wanted to hear.  Yea, cops should drop whatever they’re doing to take care your emergency situation. 

“I called because my next door neighbor put the trash can in front of my window. Smell horrible.  If you don't believe me, go and check it. It's still there.”

Female White… 5”3… 170… Fifties.  Brown night gown.  White trash.

“Why am I here?” asked Chuck.

“He should not put the trash can in front of my window!”

 “You did not answer my question. WHY AM I HERE?”

 “Well, you're the police .  Do something about it.”

“Do I look like a trash collector to you?  Stop calling the police about nonsense stuff. Talk to your manager or owner.  It's not a police matter.”

Chuck walked away shook his head and walked away.   This time, he didn’t smile at the kids.  It was too dark anyway. 

Their body language gave him the impression he was a criminal, like he did something wrong.  Let’s see what these kids would do with no cops on the streets.  They’d be at the mercy of the evil.  Kids did not truly know what evil was.  Even adults didn’t know.  Only cops knew.  Chuck had seen things normal person would never see.  They would go through their entire lives without understanding pure evil.  Civilization, in a nutshell.

“1 Charlie 37, CP called from #3, regarding your last call. He wants contact about the neighbor dispute!”

Chuck being the nearest cop had to answer the call…

… and return to 937 Gaviota Door #3…

Kids were still on the streets.  Mothers still in the courtyard.  Strollers.  Talking on their iPhones.  Playing Angry Birds.  Chuck considered himself pretty adept at Angry Birds.  He’d kick these women’s asses in Angry Birds.

“Bang!  Bang!  Bang!” His fist pounded the door.

 “POLICE.  Open the door!” Chuck felt like a disrespected pizza man.  They call emergency and take forever to open the door.

What was behind Door #3?  Black Male.  Seventies.  5’7.  150 lbs.  Blue tee-shirt.   Black jeans.  Sandals.  The old man actually gets out of his apartment.  Confronts Chuck. 

“I called you because this girl is prejudice. She hates black people.
She kept pulling the trash can, and putting it in my front door. And it's not the first time.”

“I just spoke to her. Call your manager or owner to take care of your problem.  It's not my problem.”

“I took a video camera when she did it. I have proof.  I have hard evidence.”

This old man watches too much TV.  Hard evidence my ass.

“Why am I here?  What's wrong with you people?”

“What's wrong with my people? Now you called me A NIGGER?  There's nothing wrong with my people.  SHE'S FUCKING PREJUDICE!”

“I didn't call you anything.  You both are as old as grandparents, but behave like two little kids.  This is not a police problem.  STOP CALLING THE POLICE.”

Chuck returned to the black and white.  Every call matters.  Every citizen matters.  The radio crackled for the next one…


 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

33 STRATEGIES OF SPORTS: THE BLITZKRIEG STRATEGY







Athletes are decision makers.  When we watch sports, we are watching a situation were competitors are in a hotbed of decision making.  The stronger the decision makers, the more we admire them.  Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Andre Agassi.  They may not always be right, but they are decisive.  This is a beautiful thing to watch, since "decision making" rarely occurs in real life.

On a daily basis, we put off "decision making" as much as possible, analyzing the same scenarios over and over until the wheels come off - and usually hurt ourselves in this neurotic process.  If you can learn to be a "decision maker", you can separate yourself from the herd and attack your goals with overwhelming force.

We have seen this scenario play out many times in sports, but never as dramatically as John Fox and Tim Tebow with 2011's Denver Broncos team.  Welcome back to Robert Greene's "The 33 Strategies of War", as seen through the prism of sports.


SLOW SLOW, QUICK QUICK


On October 23, 2011, the Denver Broncos had a pathetic record of 1-4 and were headed for another disastrous season under first year coach, John Fox and General Manager, John Elway.  No one expected the team to excel in this season, which led to the decision of starting college sensation Tim Tebow, who was scouted by many critics as a great college quarterback with little promise as a pro.  Tebow liked to run the ball.  This was all good in college, but in the pros, athletes where much faster and would demolish him.



As many predicted, Tebow's first start against the Miami Dolphins was a horror show.  In the first three quarters, he was sacked 5 times and accomplished a mind boggling 4 passes for 40 yards.  He tried to run, as many expected, and he was usually battered like a rag doll when he did.  Ironically, Tebow was being celebrated at halftime for his accomplishments playing for Florida in college, though the crowd booed him.




With 5:23 left, the Broncos were down 15-0 and just about ready to go home 1-5.  When Tebow somehow hit Matt Willis for a 42 yard gain and two plays later scrambled for a touchdown.  Score 15-7.  Somehow, the Broncos recovered an onside kick and gave Tebow a chance to tie the game.  Again, Tebow completed a miracle pass, completed a 2 point conversion and tied the game, 15-15, bleeding the game into an improbable overtime.  Miraculously, the Broncos won 18-15 and everyone began talking about Tebow being a prophet (Tebow was a Christian and drew a cross on his face in college).
A week later, the Broncos were demolished 45-10 by the Detroit Lions and most people were chalking up the miracle win the week before as an isolated incident.  But two weeks later, against the Kansas City Chiefs, something odd occurred.  The Broncos were again down 10-0 at halftime.  Tebow had an amazing 0 yards passing and in fact would not complete a pass until almost the end of the third quarter and somehow... won the game 17-10.  The Broncos were now 4-5 with Tebow accomplishing only two passes during the entire game.



Some spoke of miracles, others spoke of Tebow's will, while head coach John Fox said,"I'll leave the statistics to you guys.  The statistic that is important in the locker room is winning."

A week later, against the New York Jets, Tebow only accomplished 1 pass and had 11 yards rushing by the 4th quarter (numbers that are astoundingly awful in football).  Somehow, he ran against the vaunted Jets defense all the way into the end zone and brought his team to another miraculous come back, bringing the Broncos to 5-5.

Tebow rode three more miracle wins, against the Vikings and two overtime thrillers against the Chargers and Bears.  Suddenly, the Broncos were 8-5 and in perfect position to make the playoffs.  John Fox spoke of making the playbook simple for Tebow but most critics did not see this strategy lasting.  Defenses would figure how to stop Tebow.



And they were right. The Broncos found themselves losing three weeks in a row, including two humiliating blowout losses, to end the season 8-8.  However, this record was sufficient in Denver hosting their first home playoff game in years.  They would play the previous year's AFC champs, the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Tebow would be facing a vicious, merciless defense and no one thought the Broncos stood a chance.  They should just enjoy being in the playoffs.  Afterall, they started the season 1-4 and were lucky to be here.




Again, Tebow pulled off a miracle overtime thriller, beating the favored Steelers with pin prick accurate passes, which no one had seen him do all year - or ever.  Tebow stunned the favored Steelers 29-23 in his first playoff victory, before being a eliminated a week later by the New England Patriots in another blowout loss.

Still, a second round playoff appearance was far beyond what anyone expected from a team that began the season with a dismal 1-4 record.  A perfect ending to what was now known as  "Tebowmania!"




INTERPRETATION


During the offseason, back up quarterback Brady Quinn summed up Tebow's unusual success with this statement: "We've had a lot, I guess, luck, to put it simply.  The entire game, the defensive line is chasing the quarterback around, and that wears down the pass rush. Meanwhile, the defensive backs are chasing receivers, but you only throw eight passes, so they start to feel lazy. It only takes that one play, that one big pass, for a touchdown."

Quinn was criticized for making these remarks, but aside from the "luck" comment, his hypothesis was right on the money.  What Quinn didn't realize was that John Fox actually depended on Tim Tebow's chaos and rawness, even organizing it into his strategy.  Fox employed an ancient Chinese strategy called "slow, slow, quick, quick."



The first "slow" could not work without having a great defense.  Fox identified this as the strength of his team.  The more the Broncos could prevent the opponent from scoring, the more they could slow time down.  This was done with detailed preparation.  If this first failed, the Broncos were usually blown out of the game.

The second "slow" was, what Robert Greene calls "a set up.  Which involved tricking the enemy into lowering it's guard, lulling it into complacency."  This was done by demonstrating Tebow's godawful quarterback mechanics, basically exhibiting the terrible quarterback everyone thought he was.  Against the Chiefs, Tebow didn't even pass the ball the first half of the game.  The defense was bored into submission.  As Quinn observed, "[the defense] starts to feel lazy."

Then the first "quick", usually in the form of Tebow completing a deep pass to set up the first touchdown.  This would awaken the opponent and catch them off guard.  They begin to tense up.

And the final "quick": this is the part when the enemy starts to make uncommon mistakes, becoming uncharacteristically clumsy as they realize they weren't up by so many points afterall.  This is when Tebow was at his best, mixing his passing and running game.  Even his own offense had no idea what he was going to do.  This would lead to the second score and the victory.  Fox allowed Tebow to ride this "read option" into what is considered one of the most improbable seasons in football history.

KEYS TO ENGAGEMENT


Life is faster now than it has ever been.  We live in the information age where we are dropped out of a cargo plane from the moment we wake up into a freefall of Facebook, Twitter, Spam emails, Fantasy Sports, free porn, 700 Channel Cable TV, iPhone apps, and on and on... most people are exhausted simply dealing with this endless barrage.  All they can do is react and accept their fate.

You can break the spell by building your decision making muscle.  Create a taut plan.  Become organized and focused.  Pretend to be like everyone else, reacting to the asteroid field of bullshit.  When people least expect it, unleash a volcano of decision making.  Make decision after decision after decision - like Tim Tebow did.  And you too will look like a God.  In your profession, in your relationship, amongst your friends, the more decisions you make, the more you will be looked at as a leader, while people are frozen and awed by your strength.  Most importantly, you will suddenly have a tight grip on your life and its direction - and you will have built a legion of followers to help you achieve this end.




REVERSAL


During the "slow, slow" part of your campaign, it is important that you do not allow this to become the rhythm of your habits.  When the Broncos got blown out, they failed to recognize that they were putting themselves to sleep, while their opponents were beating them relentlessly - and usually it was too late when they woke up.  Never allow yourself to be overwhelmed like this.  Making decisions is the only way out of any deficit.